Burning
by SilhouetteSwitch
Summary: You can only run from your past for so long... Everyone expects Ahsoka to be the perfect padawan, but how can she go on when death haunts her every step? Where can a young commander turn for help? A Oneshot.


Disclaimer: I own nothing in this story except for the characters Jay, Switch and the planet Arjko. I am not profiting financially in any way with the publication of this story.

Don't forget to read, review and tell me what you think! Thanks, hope you enjoy- Silhouette.

* * *

**Burning**

**Ahsoka was having a nightmare.**

Again.

Her blanket lay in a twisted heap at the bottom of her bed and she had wrapped herself in a tight ball. Shadows played across her form, defining the dark circles under her eyes and creases in her tense face. Every so often she would frown and whimper, sometimes muttering angry words in her sleep.

"Let him go."

Recently, Ahsoka's dreams seemed to be especially vivid... and they were only getting worse. Often without realising it, she would cause small objects near to her bed to shift around. She'd woken up many times and found her lightsaber and shoto on the floor

"Run."

This time, when Ahsoka bolted awake, she rolled to the edge of her bed, breathing heavily, and scanned for danger. When she realised she was no longer dreaming she glanced at the door of her tent to see if anyone had heard her. When no one came in, she silently swung her legs over the edge of her cot, and held her pounding head in her hands. The padawan tried to calm herself with a few Jedi breathing techniques, but as always, she found that she couldn't completely clear her mind.

"I-It was just a dream... It's fine."

Sometimes Ahsoka wouldn't sleep at all to prevent the nightmares from coming back. Instead, she'd walk around camp until she was exhausted and then crash back in her room. Other times she would drink so much caf to stay awake that she'd find it hard to concentrate on one thing for even a few seconds the next day.

This dream had been much worse than the ones before.

# # # #

As a commando shadowing the 501st, Jay noticed Commander Tano's strange behaviour ever since he and his squad had been grounded on Arjko with her. On one of those long sleepless nights when he had taken watch, he turned and saw her thrashing silently in her sleep. Her face was contorted into a fearful expression; one that he had never seen any Jedi wear. At that moment, he was reminded how young she really was and he felt an unexpected rage boiling in his stomach- there was definitely something wrong with the Jedi for putting a teenager in a situation that could very easily mean her death. She didn't need to experience the horrors of war. No young person needed to.

Jay had heard that the padawan had been sent on many missions where she came in close contact with the enemy. She was reportedly captured and tortured- hazards that came with her position, but she had suffered so much... Jay figured that the commander's psychological trauma would haunt her for the rest of her life. Recently, she was flinching at loud sounds even though they were harmless, and looking over her shoulder as if she felt someone was watching her. He wasn't sure if he should mention the padawan's problem to anyone. On Arjko he had been helpless to comfort her as well. He would wake her by gently shaking her shoulder and telling her that he thought he had heard an unusual sound outside the camp. Usually it wasn't true, but he felt as though he needed to do something to ease her pain.

The first time he had shaken Ahsoka's shoulder she leapt up and twisted his arm at an impossible angle until he felt like it was about to break. For all of his highly developed reflexes, he couldn't as move as quickly as the agile padawan. Ahsoka bared her sharp teeth and was about to grab for his throat when she recognized him and dropped her hand as if burned. The instantaneous change from predator to Ahsoka was alarming. Her large pupils shrank back to their normal size and she fell backwards, gasping with horror, when she realised that she had been inches away from strangling one of her troops.

"Jay, I'm so sorry. I-I- shouldn't have attacked you." He could still recall her haunted eyes when she apologized.

The togruta didn't even offer any excuses for attacking him- something Jay had noticed right away. The commander had recently lost some of her old spark and humour and gained... a sort of hopelessness. Ahsoka was disappearing before his eyes and being replaced by a shadow. The commando noted that a lot of the generals he was in contact with never thought about the clones as individuals, or put their needs above their own. Ahsoka was different. She always made sure that her men were taken care of after a tough battle before she had her wounds tended to. She had even stayed behind with his squad brother, Switch, when he had been seriously injured on Arjko instead of leaving him behind.

That was when Jay decided that he would tell Captain Rex about the commander. Unfortunately, he found out after a few inquiries that the Captain had just left with part of the 501st and General Skywalker to Coruscant. Jay's frustration started to get the better of him- the commander still needed someone to talk with or else she would keep spiraling downwards. Some of his brothers had nightmares, but at least they could talk to other brothers. She had no one.

Jay thought about talking to Commander Tano himself despite the fact that he wasn't her second in command. She seemed to enjoy talking to any of her troops, though they were a bit awkward in their responses. He reflected that lack of communication might have been a reason that she felt so isolated.

Eventually Jay decided that he would just have to break the rules... He would talk to the commander, even if she didn't want to talk to him.

# # # #

Ahsoka was finding it difficult to stay awake now that her heart had stopped racing. Instead of lying down again, she got up, stretched, and clipped her lightsaber and shoto to her belt. "I'd better go find some caf..." Ahsoka exited her tent and saw that suns had just begun to rise over the top of the trees. It was a beautiful morning, but she didn't care. All she wanted was something to chase the nightmares away.

She wandered sleepily on her way to get some caf, but her body was feeling so heavy that she was finding it difficult to walk. Suddenly, a nearly inaudible rustling came from behind a bush on her left. The togruta was thankful for her sensitive montrals as she activated her lightsaber and shoto. She stood in a defensive stance while adrenaline pumped through her veins. "Show yourself," Ahsoka growled. "Don't make me come and get you."

A tall figure rose from the bushes. Ahsoka sucked in a startled breath when she saw a clone commando in full armour step out towards her. She recognized him a second later. "Why are you following me Jay?" The togruta's confusion was written plainly on her face. "Why would you try to sneak up on me?"

The padawan felt a chill run through her and she tightened her grip on her lightsabers when the soldier did not lower his gaze. He looked at her through his blue lit visor with the kind of intensity that made her feel exposed to the bone. Commandos always seemed to have that effect on her; she tried to think of them as some more of the men, but their independent, almost predatory nature, stealth, and ruthlessness always startled her.

Ahsoka shifted on to the balls of her feet; ready for action. "Stand down Jay."

The commando removed his helmet and clipped it to his weapons belt. "We need to talk Commander," he said in a low baritone that reminded her of Captain Rex.

Ahsoka sensed that the man didn't mean her any harm, but she was still cautious. Jay always carried his weapons with him, a wise precaution, but in this situation she found it menacing. The small togruta hesitated for a moment before she shut off her lightsabers. In truth, she was a bit put out that she hadn't sensed him sooner; commandos and special-ops were known for their ability to blend in to their surroundings, but she should have known that he was near... Of late it seemed as though she was losing her sharpness. "Talk about what? What's so important that you would follow me?" she demanded. "You could have gotten in trouble."

Jay sat on a nearby log and motioned for her to sit as well. "I figured that it was worth the risk ma'am." Ahsoka raised an eyebrow marking at him, but sat down.

"Permission to speak freely Commander?" Jay asked.

"Granted."

Jay took a deep breath before speaking, and looked directly into Ahsoka's eyes. "The men... We've started to notice that you're not sleeping. You wander around at night until you can barely stand and you look like you're about to drop the next day." He measured her reaction carefully before saying, "Something's bothering you."

Ahsoka was surprised; she had always been careful to avoid encounters on her nightly walks. She didn't want to worry anyone. She also tried to be as peppy as possible during the day so that no one would notice anything was wrong... But the men were cloned from a bounty hunter after all. They were very observant.

"It's nothing," she muttered, rubbing her arm and looking away from him. "I'm fine." Ahsoka realized she had made a mistake as soon as she shifted her body away from the commando; he could read body language.

"No you're not," Jay said. He reached for her hand and held it at eye level. For the first time Ahsoka realised that she was shaking so badly that her whole arm was vibrating. "That's what we noticed first." The clone said it with no hint of cruelty in his voice, only concern.

The young togruta's eyes opened wide and she snatched her hand away from him. She fidgeted with her gauntlet. "Yes. Something's bothering me," she admitted with great effort. "But it's not something that you can help me with." To her surprise and frustration, tears welled up in her eyes and one of them dropped into her lap. Jay said nothing, but discreetly looked away.

Ahsoka wearily hung her head. After a long moment she started to speak. "I-I still have dreams about some of my missions... I hear screams of men and women, and the sound of blaster fire. I'm rooted to the ground and can't do anything to help them. I look down and see that my feet are buried under bodies, their f-faces look up at me." Fresh tears rained down from her face. "I can't do anything... nothing to help... There's nothing to fight-" She broke off and hid her face in her hands.

Jay realised how small and fragile she looked; a child who pretended that nothing could hurt her, yet couldn't sleep because of things she had witnessed. Her dreams were tearing her apart from the inside.

"Then they torture me," she shuddered. "I thought that the pain would fade, but it never does. I feel like I'm burning." She took in a shaky breath, bit her lip and looked at Jay with wide eyes. "And t-the Jedi council stands nearby and watches while they hurt me. They look so peaceful and unconcerned..."

Ahsoka went quiet for a moment before grabbing her shoto off her belt. She rolled the hilt in the palm of her hand. "I escape and run out of the prison, away from the council, but I see the 501st standing with their backs to me at the end of the hall." She hesitated- she was talking to a clone.

Jay noticed that she had tightened her grip on her weapon until her fingers had become pale. "It's okay," he said, "just say what you have to."

The padawan gave him a sad look. "Then all the men turn and I see that they have their weapons trained on me. I can't see Fives or Rex..." Another tear fell. "I-I don't have my lightsabers...I panic, I turn to run, but I see that the council has my weapons in their hands and are blocking my way back." She held her shoto up in front of her face and activated it, suddenly livid. "Then they take out their own lightsabers and cut mine in half..."

Jay remained silent. Ahsoka's expression became bitter. "I look back to my troops for help but then someone gives an order. And... t-they shoot me..." Ahsoka looked up at Jay with a wild feverish look in her eyes. "I feel each of the bolts as they go through me and I call for help, but my master stands behind them, watching... I'm in so much pain that even breathing hurts."

Ahsoka tossed her shoto to the ground. It deactivated with a snap and rolled into some tall grass. "I know they are only nightmares, but-" She looked up at him with red eyes, her face was gaunt. Tears still rolled down her cheeks. She needed to make him understand..."I don't know when it will end. It's the same dream every night except the end is new."

When Ahsoka suddenly leaned into his shoulder, and began to sob, Jay awkwardly rubbed small circles on her back. Her face was pressed hard against his armor- something which he thought could not be comfortable at all. What could he say to her that she didn't already know? How could he tell her everything would be alright when in reality her wounds would never entirely heal? It wasn't alright and he couldn't lie to her.

Eventually, Ahsoka's crying became quieter and her breath came in a more regular rhythm. She pulled away from Jay and wiped her face self-consciously. The clone helped her to her feet. "Thanks for listening," she said quietly. She called her shoto with the force and reattached it to her belt. "If you ever need anything- say access to special supplies or privileges... I'm sure I could get them to you without too much trouble."

"It's alright Commander," Jay said. "What you've told me will remain confidential. That's a promise." His amber eyes met her large blue ones.

After a moment, Ahsoka gave the commando a mischievous grin and a quick hug. When she realised what she'd done her head tails flushed a dark shade of blue. "Thank you Jay," she said sincerely. "I think I'll head back to my tent; it's time I found out what happens at the end of my dream."


End file.
